Dale_Berry - Profile

It seems to me that the blood legion and the blood pulse sutra are a multi-generational commitment by the blood legion to making mankind naturally stronger right from birth which in turn makes humanities dependance on and disruption of the Sanctuaries less and less to the point that eventually the first sanctuary will play no necessary part in humankinds increase in strength or evolution,and so on till mankind will have no need of the sanctuaries at all and the disruption to the natural balance thar mankind poses will crase.

oh come on dude you plagiarised from Aliens too ? "game over ,man " thats just rude on your part.

My recommendation is continue writing this book it deserves to have its culmination. We who paid good money to read it to this point should not be treated like insignificant chattel, we are why you can live your lifestyle and we deserve your respect, which because you are not continuing this book is at present sadly lacking.

just read this chapter and there are so many different wheels and plans and subterfuge here. everybody has an ulterior motive not least of which is the headmaster. i think Kigrahagh is the only one who has acted in good faith. He set emery on the correct path one that humans dont know or dont want to see a lower world "trash" achieve greatest possible level in.

enough with emphasis of " he spoke with a deep voice " for goodness sake does any body have a normal voice it does nothing forvthe story when this guy and that guy and every other person "spoke with a deep voice " pretty soon you will want us to believe that the women also "spoke with a deep voice" we get it but just repeating it ad nauseum is ridiculous it adds nothing to the gravity of the moment you are fixated on telling us that every body has a deep voice in serious situations. Stop for the love of good reading stop.

love this book need to stop using "surpass" everywhere.In places it doesnt apply. And sorry ,but "vastity" in chapter 1577? lol. no such word please use roget's thesaurus,

lembas bread,lotr

once again you keep belaboring the carefree manner point when his character is anything but carefree his every manner is very meticulous and well thought out. Carefree is the two tanks Halls and GuanDao which is actually a cool name considering it is a type of two handed sword. their constant joking and upbeat manner is exactly a carefree manner. Every time you slip the "carefree smile " or " carefree expression" or "carefree manner" in it is always at a point that is so at odds with what he is saying and acting it is just not believable not convincing and is detrimental to the flow of the story its very jarring.

enough with the oh carefree expression carefree expression he has a carefree expression tell me what does a carefree expression look like does he have any other expressions does he have a carefree expression for when he is making the the pills? We get it he has a carefree expression. Now for the critique. when you get the translation done have a proof read and reorder the syntax to suit english pronunciation i am aware different languages different word syntax. The habit of calling someone big brother or sister etc is not something that occurs in western culture might want to address this too. there is more but it can wait. it is an enjoyable read.