Webnovel Author: Victortoery12 - Fanfic Collection

Your writing and character design are very, very good. Top tier. Spelling and grammar are top-tier. You've changed the story enough that you're not just copying the source material. But haven't added CYOA or blatant out-of-universe powers. Well worth the read. Well done.

Unnecessarily homophobic, not too sure why that chapter was even necessary. I guess the author may be closeted, and self-hating. But who knows...

Being attached to your old name and fighting to keep it would be one thing, but Red is too damn weird. The general structure and grammar is lacking too, but the whole Red thing made me lose interest and is what stuck out the most.

The "spill everything like it's verbal diarrhea" trope is a story killer. It ruins the story and is always unnecessary. It doesn't improve or really add anything to the story.

Grammar is terrible, lots of mistakes and misspelling. Use grammerly and go over all your chapters. I otherwise enjoyed the fic, spelling just never got better. I’ll check in later to see if the spelling is fixed

LAZY WRITING... Just type 'YOU' instead of 'U' Why are u using u, u dirty mongrel! Just use Grammarly... Or anything really, just make an attempt...

Fix your grammar, edit your previous chapters, and download Grammarly for maximum effect. Fix your grammar!!! Edit your work!!! Proof read!!!

Fix your grammar, please for the love of all that is holy fix your grammar. Download grammerly, edit your previous chapters, and fix your grammar.

Edit your previous chapters and correct your grammar, an author doesn’t just write a chapter and quit. They edit the chapters many times before they even publish, and edit even after publication.

Chapters are too short, and there are too many authors notes that inflate the word count. Grammar is not great, please download grammarly and/or go over the chapters again. Authors don’t just write a chapter and never correct it, they edit multiple times before they publish it. You need to do the same and edit your chapters. The MC grew too powerful too quickly, and 6+ info-dump chapters was painful. I do like the Fic, though I wish you’d do better in terms of grammar.

The fic was fine until chapter 20, from then on it seems to drop in quality? I'm not too sure how to explain it, it feels like it wasn't edited properly or that someone else wrote it. (Not the same quality as the previous chapters) A lot of unnecessary words start to appear making the dialogue a little wordy. Ex; Was that my mind playing tricks on me? (Was my mind playing tricks on me?) Up to chapter 20 was amazing, but the chat and then gatcha threw me off and made the novel less enjoyable for me. It's still a 5-star fic, I just hope the Author edits his latest chapters.

Ok, Thank you for your response.

You don't put names before dialogue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's only done in plays or movie scripts!!!!!!!!!!!! Why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was really enjoying it until the dialogue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is it not obvious!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I fell in love with the fic idea and my heart was broken by scriptwriting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The fic itself is not bad, not my cup of tea but not bad. In the first few chapters, there are some minor spelling mistakes but nothing that makes the story unreadable. ("Ok them," instead of "OK then," in Chapter four) My main grievance is how wordy some parts of the story are, and how inappropriate some of the words used by certain characters are. Helena using "evolves" in Chapter one (Not something a 1010 Y/O Ghost should know) really hurts my soul in particular. (Could have used 'changes'?" I'm not a fan of the whole 'explaining of history' thing that goes on, it makes sense in regards to how you've crafted your fic but it is definitely too wordy. The verbal lashing the mc gives to Dumbles in Chapter Four is also too wordy. The Baron? or Fair? (Ghost) explaining the couple's history to the Weasely boys is also too wordy and has a few spelling mistakes. The readers don't need to be spoon-fed information. Orignal: "That person that the headmaster just addressed as 'my boy', is the husband of Selena Sally Ravenclaw, older twin of Helena Hela Ravenclaw, and daughter of Rowena Ravenclaw. His full name is Erik Runes Ravenclaw Lord of Ravenclaw and the Hogwarts castle. He married his wife, Selena when they were 20 year old. Today, he is 1010 years old. And the headmaster just called him 'my boy'." Less wordy: "The person who the headmaster just addressed as 'boy' is the husband of Selena Ravenclaw, twin sister of Helena Ravenclaw. His name is Erik Ravenclaw, and he's over one-thousand years old." (Not a paragraph of useless info.) There is no real need to include most of the information. Helena being Selena's twin implies that Rowena is her mother, no need to write that Rowena is her mother as "TWINS" should say enough about their relationship in one word. "Older" isn't necessary either, no one cares who the older twin is. Arguably it doesn't matter when you are 1010 years old. Including the Mc's full name is also unnecessary, he's lord Ravenclaw it's obvious his last name is Ravenclaw. Him being Lord Ravenclaw is literally yelled by the elf earlier in the chapter so it doesn't need to be mentioned a fifth time... Lord of Hogwarts (*Eyeroll*) obviously it's mentioned a lot and doesn't need to be included in every chapter, it also doesn't need to be mentioned to the students at Hogwarts, they are not your audience, your audience is your readers. Married at 20 Y/O is unnecessary, who cares when they were married? Him being called Lord Ravenclaw should also imply that he is married to Selene... Today he is 1010 years old... Using numbers instead of words is lazy, though I do it myself. This wordiness never ends and makes reading your fic painful. I don't need to be told every single bit of information, most of it should be inferred (Thought of or worked out by yourself) and not rammed into someone's brain via words. Writing is good because a majority of it is up to the imagination, if you are too specific or 'wordy' it makes it much harder to imagine what's happening. Dialogue between characters shouldn't be a paragraph long, do you let someone just stand there and belt a storm of words at your face for a minute? It just comes off as unnatural if you have a 90-word long speech as dialogue. I don't quite have a better way to convey the wordiness, maybe watch stand-up comedy and look at how trimmed their stories are? Comedians don't include useless information in their story's as that makes them un-palatable. Anything that should be guessed or implicitly understood shouldn't be so obviously stated in the story... Sorry if this is explained poorly, I don't know how to better put it into words. Feel free to message me or reply to this comment if you want to talk a bit about wordiness.

It seems to get worse as it progresses, I liked it until about chapter 20. The author is lazy with his use of words (1 instead of one etc) and has a lot of redundant phrases. The author didn’t plan ahead and is doing stuff on the fly, so the story seems to devolve and get worse every chapter. The author notes/editors notes mid story also ruin immersion and really make the quality of the writing worse. Notes go at the end of the chapter, never mid chapter. Grammar and spelling are ok, within tolerance. The idea was interesting, though the “store selling” thing and the forced Natasha romance thing ruined any love I had for the story. The steal black widow quest changing after a chapter was jarring, it would have been better to rewrite those chapters than to force “romance” via a quest. Any attempt at romance would have been better then the quest stuff.