This book keeps getting better and better I canβt stop reading it so please keep writing this book and please write the next chapters soon so Iβll be able to read it thank you ππ
This book is so lol I canβt stop so please keep writing this book and please write the next chapters soon so Iβll be able to read ππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππ
I really enjoy the characters in this story especially Dave. I think Eldrid is pretty OP already but with this prophecy thing I guess he will get stronger. The references to real life things is also a great touch. I like the part where the author referred to Zarya from Overwatch when describing Sasha. This novel is great and I would recommend this to my friends.
*Remember, this review is based on the first 5 chapters*
Constructive Criticism: try to warn your readers before a delayed release if possible.;,;.
Positive Feedback: You did well in every aria that is graded by reviews.;,;.
Personal Feedback: You had good writing, and a well thought out plot, but I'm sorry, this novel is just not my cup of tea.;,;. Keep up the good work.;,;.
Writing Quality is great, smooth sentences, greatly describes situations, but some words may have been misused. Benefactor- according to uncle Google, a Benefactor are those who give money or other things to help those in need... I don't see how, Adrian was it?, Adrian needs any help, after all he has a family and a normal life on earth.
Stability Updates is good, no complaints there.
Story Developmwnt is fast-paced, things like cultivation, universes, cosmo, spirits and such were explained in Ch1.. A bit too fast paced, you should have explained those when the situation is where they do the actual things.
Character Design is good, the protagonist are calm even though they got sent to an unknown place. Ah no, actually they were TOO calm, being sent to an unknown palce with magics and such, not knowing if they are going to get killed, they should have at least panicked or at least showed fear...It's okay to have a calm personality, but being too calm makes them look like they don't care what happens to them.
World Background is great, transported to another world with magic and cultivation, but still part of the Universe.
I envy authors like you who makes unique concepts, I hope your Novel gets the Spotlight soon. Keep up the Good work.
Good stuff. A must read. 10/10.
Good stuff. A must read. 10/10.
Good stuff. A must read. 10/10.
Good stuff. A must read. 10/10.
Good stuff. A must read. 10/10.
The world building and writing quality is what I like about the novel so far. It is detailed and quite easy to get into.
I can say that the novel has started off strong, a bit too strong... The build-up was a bit too fast in my opinion and Eldrid and his friend believe that the there is cultivation and the guy in front of them is the Realm Lord too fast.
We also don't know what kind of a character Eldrid is yet. It is too early to completely judge the novel.
I really like your story but you need one thing. Dialogue.
Example ( My own) : "interestingly the man you are changes equation"
Add said, or replied ,words that make a dialogue.
"interestingly the man you are changes equation" Ezueil said. An annoyed expression blanketing his face.
"Indeed it does" Malim replied, indifference evident in his tone.
This makes it interesting
Love it anyway and keep on going
A generic isekai story.
no truck kun so 3/5. jk
summoning works as well.
apparently mc have outstanding talents even though they were from back water planet, Earth.
but hey Earth is great, we have many mythos and who knew if the myths were somehow true.
keep up the good work and pump those chapters out.
My second review. The rewritten version is WAY better than the previous one. Good pacing, great world-building.
Also, long-haired Eldrid is forever BADASS! Read this author's story right now! Don't take your eyes off it! Be immersed in it!
I still say that mc and his friend accepted their transmigration little too easily exposition should be done moderately sometimes it just crosses the line a little
now for good things
very nice descriptions the author is trying to create a picturesque feel to the novel and is mostly succeeding mc friendship feels real, It is one moot point in which this novel hit it out of the park for me. the power system is well explained and so is world-building done nicely and the author isn't spoon feeding which is a very good thing. It's a surprisingly good novel and I wish it all the best
I like the rewrite. at first it was to messy and to fast, now there is a nice build up, the MC's getting more clear in the story line .
So far it deserves a place in my library.
Note: I give 5 stars regardless of what I write below. I wrote this review as of 7 chapters.
Writing Quality 3.5/5. This is the main area the novel suffers, though its still relatively easy to read. There are a lot of run-on sentences. Some poor sentence structuring. A lot of comma misuse. Still, I wouldn't let that turn you away from this novel, because it's a quick read that's easy to follow.
Updates: Dunno. New reader.
Story Development 4.5/5: We've got some interesting developments happening very quickly. It kept my interest, which is relatively rare for most novels these days. Minus half a point for unnecessary overuse of time-skips.
Character Design 4/5: What's the difference between Adrian and Eldrid except that one is lucky/athletic and one is fat? Their personalities and emotions need to be fleshed out more. They don't express themselves when things happen. No frowning, questioning, sarcasm, trembling/fear, etc. Despite that, I like both characters. But some potential is being wasted here.
World Background 5/5: I know what's happening. Things only get more interesting as you go with the introduction of Adrian's master.
Final thoughts: You're doing a good job. Your ideas and story pacing are both excellent. Work on grammar, sentence structure, and character emotions. Then your novel will soar in quality. I gave you some example comments in the first three chapters. I hope they help.
Okay, so I'll start with the bad things first.
1- Why did both of them accept the fact that they were teleported into an unknown world with magic so easily? It made no sense to me.
2- Chapter 7 could be written much better with the interactions and the reveal that he can cultivate fast.
Now the good things.
1- I like the cultivation paths.
2- It's also good that both the characters were brought to the new world.
Tips
1- Try to increase your descriptions of the surroundings such as towns and forests.
2- I found some word mistakes so try to use Grammarly or ProWritingAid to fix those.
The story still has a lot of ways to improve which will make it even better.
It was really interesting, like nothing I've read before lol Adrian is such a down to earth character. The plot is good, world back is good, you seem to build it as you go along and the characters are like a bonus. π€ Keep going! Added to my collection, more chapters please
Read the book interesting take on things and decent grammar and world building!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! +++++++++------------------
First of all, i like storyy sooooo much. I just hope the author see this and keep uploading.
For me this is for me so far is a light hearted story, with likable MC and a little bit of comedy. The world building and character background is still not clear enough but i think its better this way, i mean like i said its a light hearted story and you dont want so much info dump crap for this kind of story, still i hope slowly but surely the author could talk a little more what kind of world hes building, the connection between every character. You could after a little bit talk about the world, make it so that they creating a organization just by them self to make name for them self, no need for a heavy conflict or something like that, its just because how playful they are. Its just my suggestion, i mean i think that gonna be interesting. Anyway i just hope you keep on uploading new chapters. Good luck.
Sorry for my messy english as im not really good at grammar hahaha
Nice story, and Nice writing too. I find the start really interesting and the plot was interesting enough to make me read all the chapters. Thanks Author for this enjoyable read !
The story is good the system seems like it could be interesting with enough development. If the first chapter was moved to chapter three I think it would make the story flow better, in the beginning, the flashback is slightly jarring. If you wanted to start in medias res it would probably be better to start on an action scene instead of an info dump. Once past that the story flows much better and is a good read.
Enjoyable! For those checking it out - it starts good, but gets *alot* BETTER after chapter 8. Stick with it for a bit longer, and if you like the system and cultivation genres, you'll like this book!
This novel is a story of eldrith which was accidentally summoned as the person (realm lord) wanted to summon his friend to become his heir. Because of his mistake he gave eldrith one wish as compensation he requested for a system and then after spending few days at realm lord place to awaken his class after his awakening he leaves on his own adventure and Adrian his friend who was selected as an heir to realm lord begins his training at realm palace. As days pass eldrith missed his friends so he summons his friends to have fun and enjoy this new world and thus their adventures begins.
This novel is authors first novel but story is nice and author is improving his writing skills. This novel is for those who loves system and mc doesn't depend on system to become stronger rather train to do so and use his system to record and know his improvement.
Story Premise (3 out of 5):
- Transmigration. Enough said.
Writing Quality (4 out of 5):
- Grammar is great, but need a more diverse arsenal of vocabulary in each chapters.
- Break each paragraphs more. Make a rule where one paragraph only consists of 3 to 4 sentences at max.
Updates (5 out of 5):
- Daily.
Story (4 out of 5):
- The story is great. It's your typical cultivation/transmigration novel, but in a good way. However, the first chapter, to me, is a massive info dump. But cultivation novels always do that kind of stuff, so it doesn't bother me much. The pacing is alright.
Character Design (4 out of 5):
- I know what the characters look like most of the time.
World (4 out of 5):
- Need more background descriptions. I understand where the characters are most times so that's good.
This author makes some great names. I am a big fan of their naming ability. I feel that their child will have an epic name one day.
Overall I enjoyed it. I think the author will get better with time and their writing will show their story better and better.
I was surprised that it had a system in it. I personally liked the chapters without the system part in it, but that's just me. I'm not a fan of system novels.
Wonderful author please take pity on readers:
The paragraphs need to be split more. Wall of text is not fun to read and makes the information difficult to digest. You could also describe the character's movements/actions a bit more.
Feel free to leave feedback in the comments of this review, it would be much appreciated.
Pardon my shamelessness, but I thought I'd take the time to tell you I'm new and since I'm in highschool things are hectic, so I will try to update whenever I can. Please be patient with me and thank you for taking the time to read this.
Steven_Beck