Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.Don't stop this please.
This story is kinda nice but what the hell i just read!
I meet an alien and give me a choice?? Seriously the other recarnate story will hide the truth about being reborn, this story was amazing but the flow of the story was kinda, you know?(im being nice so i will not tell you in blunt word) so next time try next time your character will start in beginning and he will accomplish the missions the system will give? You write this character with system so?System will guide him to became the best not overpower in the start because that was boring like, what the hell! No thrilled in the story. And lastly, pls use basic English word if you can't really apply it perfectly. (Me too I have poor grammar but someone can read it without nosebleed and understandable) That's all!
I hope you will improve (this story will became unpredictable if you just put some thrilled and the character not began in overpower because everyone will struggle from the start before they achieve their goals.)
Can someone please explain why Sports is so little even they can be an awesome topic. It's always romance with one idea like having divorce with someone afterwards is the scene of pursuing her and the final is happy ending. WTH!! This is the reason why i preffered reading SPORTS related.
Quite frankly I think this is a story that could've been enjoyable, if it was written by someone who knew what he/she was actually doing.
The grammar is terrible, the story is literally all over the place and you never know what the hell is going on, people don't even know how to socially interact properly or how to use logic.
The coach gets mad at the main character for sitting on a bench and massaging his legs..? Saying he's lazy, despite him just playing 3-4 games? Then she finds out that he played 4 games and that's why he's tired and massaging his legs, you know what she does?! SHE MAKES HIM RUN 20 LAPS ANYWAY. WHAT!?
He wasn't lazy like you said so, so why is he still being punished? You fucking what?! Where is the logic in that? I literally had to drop it right then and there, because that was utterly ridiculous. It would've been better if the main character said something about him being punished wrongly yet he didn't it's as if being punished for doing good is the most normal thing ever.
Hence, that's where I stopped and gave up. Good luck with your story but I can't handle this broken ass stuff.
Great book. I like the world setting very much. The characters, and the so far, all have their personalities. There are not many mistakes in terms of the writing quality. Too bad the update speed and the story pacing, although not slow, are not fast either.
Hey, I'm here from a post from GP, and,
I'm quite disappointed
The story, the characters, the pacing, it's just confusing, and funny how you take story tropes and clichés, and making them more mediocre
(Also, note that I will be focusing on the first chapter here so you know I see your story, even just from the beginning)
From a storytelling perspective, you lack world building skills and character development skills.
Your story suffers from too much exposition dump.
The second paragraph of your first chapter is a line of dialogue said by a character to himself
Given the context of the situation and the state of the character is in, if you were that character, would you honestly ever say anything like that? That isn't dialogue. That's exposition dump.
And why do I get the feeling that making your character too OP and oh, he's despressed, and oh, he wants to commit suicide because he isn't in his prime anymore, and oh he wants to be great, is really a reflection of the author and this is a sad fantasy he wants to lives in.
Your "sketch" looks like a screenshot of a drawing that was copied and posted online multiple times, ruining the the quality. Who even made that? "Ball Master" more like Ball Buster
Also, grammar's all over the place. Too much unneccessary detail, redudancy and just terrible grammar.
"Reminiscence the past"? Really? I could forgive a few minor errors, but that is just funny
Or do you have to explicitly write "ha ha ha" when characters are laughing?
Like this one,
"Don't tease us, Boss... then we also taught NBA superstar like Lebron play basketball.. Ha Ha Ha…!"Accompanied with everyone laughing.
Also this one,
"Ha ha ha…" then everyone laughs again
If you were to add a line like "accompanied with everyone laughing" and "then everyone laughs again", YOU WOULDN'T NEED TO WRITE IN "HA HA HA"
That makes the sentence all the more dumb.
All in all, the worst mistake that your story makes is,
It doesn't really appeal to someone if they're not basketball fans themselves.
Sport Basketball with a System AND going back in time, unique is going back to college time which gives a lot potential action at college lvl and other future content, a MC that is not greedy but has is own special circumstances, all in all an Interesting story to read.