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  • Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine

    Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine

    War&Military

    4.4

    Reina wasn't killed. She didn't die by an accident. She fulfilled the conditions to a devil's inevitable game and was given a chance that only came to those who had the courage to take it, or in her case with no choice but to. Transported to another world she strives to defy the gods and live her life as she pleases but, will things really be that easy? Faced with unavoidable loses and trials Reina must overcome and harden herself for this new world where only the strong survive. Reina now has to become stronger in order to survive in this new world filled with monsters, magic, and death. The motto there is survival of the fittest. Twisting fate and tempting death Reina becomes an unstoppable ripple in this new world. Chapter Updates: 5/week, one every weekday, none on the weekends Descriptive images containing blood, gore, and all things in between.

  • ( Dropped )

    ( Dropped )

    Fantasy

  • Can We Really Survive? (One Shot)

    Can We Really Survive? (One Shot)

    Horror&Thriller

    Disclaimer: *I DO NOT OWN THE COVER PICTURE, ALL CREDITS BELONG TO THE OWNER* EVERYTHING MENTIONED IS A WORK OF FICTION I'VE MADE UP. IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO CORRELATE TO THE REAL WORLD THAT IS PURELY A COINCIDENCE. Owner: Molly Haggerty Pic Title: Ye Old Hospital Bed Multiple murders, deaths and suicides have added to the mystery of an abandoned hospital. Why is it always surrounded in death? Why does it attract so much death? But, most importantly, who is that pale woman in the window? Forced to adventure into the abandoned hospital with her friends Amy has no choice but to confront her fears, whether they're real or delusional. Pressured into going by her thrill seeking friends, can a little adventure turn into something worse? Amy's thrown into the world residing right besides her own. ________________________________________________ "Amy... I'm scared." "... I-I don't know what to do either Nora." "Those people seem crazy." "Yeah, except everything we've seen until now has been crazy." "Can we really survive?"

Moments

M4L4DD1CT10N: XP.

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C52
2 months ago

M4L4DD1CT10N: XP.

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C52
2 months ago

Peaceful_Insanity: Thanks for the chap! o/

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C52
2 months ago

Daphnir: Thanks for the chapter

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C52
2 months ago

Daphnir: Thanks for the chapter

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C51
2 months ago

Peaceful_Insanity: Thanks for the chapter! o/

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C51
2 months ago

m4l4dd1ct10n: Hey, the tease is not appreciated. You said there'd be more chapters coming like a week ago. Get a move on it already oh mighty one!

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C51
2 months ago
Thanks for the advice and compliments!

If you've read further in my most recent chapters I tried to separate out the stuff more but the earlier chapters do need a lot of work to fix them. I plan to edit them when I have time and hopefully they turn out nice.

Once again, thank you for your in depth advice! ฅʕ•̫͡•ʔฅ View More

Sapphire_2721: Why you should read this book:
It has a unique plot with a lot (and I mean a lot) of potential for growth. Judging from the first five chapters I've read, the author can decide to take this book in a lot of different directions. What really got my attention though was the dialogues. Real, interesting and to the point like I like them. I loved the way you've described the world and characters but this has also turned into your weakness in the book which I'll get to later. Katos was a favourite of mine. Psycho characters are easy to write but hard to maintain in personality, but from the five chapters I've read his personality stayed true to his love of twisted fun and feeling of superiority over others. I'd personally like to see more of him throughout the book.

What the author needs to work on:
This book requires editing. Heavy editing. When I read the first five chapters, I came across a lot of typos, grammar errors and punctuation errors, so for the grammar police, this book might take a toll on you.
I also noticed that you've clubbed a lot of sentences together, including dialogues, in your paragraphs. This tends to annoy readers and they tend to skip a lot of things. I did. Your descriptions were amazing but it was the same thing over and over again so I tried looking for the new stuff unknowingly. Before I knew it I had skipped a lot of things.
Try separating your dialogues and sentences. This is just an example:

"Now, that was fun wasn't it?!" Katos exclaimed, a gleeful expression on his face looking at the blood and gore on the floor.

Reina looked on, unfazed and undisturbed from where she stood in her corner of the room.

Descriptions help a reader visualise but too much tends to bore. I would suggest keeping short, crisp descriptions for the action part, relatively longer ones for the background and medium ones for the characters. The main character was too robotic for me to connect to. Unlike how you portrayed Katos the MC was too plain. The starting of the chapter could have gone a bit like this to hook in the readers:
Go to school. Return. Eat. Then sleep.
That's all Reina Strauss' life had become.
She looked at a picture of her mom and a man whose face she had torn off...
This shows us Reina's pain and sadness more and makes us wonder what happened to her mother.

I hope this helps you.

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine
2 months ago

Sapphire_2721: Oh, I forgot to add that the information you've put in your auxiliary chapters might be better to spread throughout out the novel and let the readers learn with the characters. Reading it like a text book might not appeal to many.

I hope this helps you 😊

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine
2 months ago

Sapphire_2721: Why you should read this book:
It has a unique plot with a lot (and I mean a lot) of potential for growth. Judging from the first five chapters I've read, the author can decide to take this book in a lot of different directions. What really got my attention though was the dialogues. Real, interesting and to the point like I like them. I loved the way you've described the world and characters but this has also turned into your weakness in the book which I'll get to later. Katos was a favourite of mine. Psycho characters are easy to write but hard to maintain in personality, but from the five chapters I've read his personality stayed true to his love of twisted fun and feeling of superiority over others. I'd personally like to see more of him throughout the book.

What the author needs to work on:
This book requires editing. Heavy editing. When I read the first five chapters, I came across a lot of typos, grammar errors and punctuation errors, so for the grammar police, this book might take a toll on you.
I also noticed that you've clubbed a lot of sentences together, including dialogues, in your paragraphs. This tends to annoy readers and they tend to skip a lot of things. I did. Your descriptions were amazing but it was the same thing over and over again so I tried looking for the new stuff unknowingly. Before I knew it I had skipped a lot of things.
Try separating your dialogues and sentences. This is just an example:

"Now, that was fun wasn't it?!" Katos exclaimed, a gleeful expression on his face looking at the blood and gore on the floor.

Reina looked on, unfazed and undisturbed from where she stood in her corner of the room.

Descriptions help a reader visualise but too much tends to bore. I would suggest keeping short, crisp descriptions for the action part, relatively longer ones for the background and medium ones for the characters. The main character was too robotic for me to connect to. Unlike how you portrayed Katos the MC was too plain. The starting of the chapter could have gone a bit like this to hook in the readers:
Go to school. Return. Eat. Then sleep.
That's all Reina Strauss' life had become.
She looked at a picture of her mom and a man whose face she had torn off...
This shows us Reina's pain and sadness more and makes us wonder what happened to her mother.

I hope this helps you.

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine
2 months ago

Youry: Well i review this already.. but i still want to give another opinion.. this plot is good... but sometimes overwelming..i read it again and again to understand some dialouge.. but its too deep for me to understand..thats i repeatedly read it...

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine
2 months ago
Finally... FINALLY!!
I'm BACK!!

My hands are healed now (although there's still some slight discoloration...) it doesn't hurt to move them anymore and the pus is gone!
I would've typed more chapters earlier but when I released this one I was using my friends computer but one of the pus bubbles popped when my hand slipped against the computer and it just made a mess... so they banned me from typing until they were all better.

Thank you to everyone who continued to support even though I hadn't updated in so long. (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

The next chapter will be out later today and hopefully I can still stick to the daily chapters!!! View More
Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C50
2 months ago

Daphnir: Thanks for the chapters

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C50
2 months ago

zombielover: Author have my power stones even though i don't know what they do for you

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C50
2 months ago

M4L4DD1CT10N: Chapter?

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C50
2 months ago

M4L4DD1CT10N: How much you short on the new computer?

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C50
2 months ago

M4L4DD1CT10N: Maybe you could sell chapters? Lol. In advance...

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C50
2 months ago

M4L4DD1CT10N: I'd pay you something...

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C50
2 months ago

M4L4DD1CT10N: Oh, but your hands! Damnit! Are they better?

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C50
2 months ago

m4l4dd1ct10n: Doh, I'm going into withdrawal and may not survive! I pour all the stones from both accounts into this title, but the wait is killing me! Someone please give this author a computer! I would donate if I could somewhere!

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C50
2 months ago

m4l4dd1ct10n: XP.

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C50
2 months ago
I'll comment on this chapter to see if the bux is or isn't fixed yet. If it is just comment on the next chapter as well. View More
Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C49
3 months ago

M4L4DD1CT10N: Yo, where are our chapters?

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C48
3 months ago

M4L4DD1CT10N: Fourth paragraph, last sentence, the word "arrival" is wrong, perhaps you meant "approval".

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C48
3 months ago

M4L4DD1CT10N: It's supposed to be 5 a week, the most we've gotten was 4, and now it's already missing Monday and Tuesday this week...

Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Female Heroine · C48
3 months ago

Dminnie: I would absolutely love that. Thank you. My story is a bit older about almost a week but I often revise it, and every time you push update it changes the dates of it.

I will reread everything and do something about my punctuation. Didn't tell to much about the world yet since I was planning to describe that more after rebirth, with the system and stuff too, but yes I could describe the desolate air more that's a precious tip thank you!!!

Yeah it's hard I want to tell about my MC and have him die and then reborn but those ppl come at me and want their time to show themselves... I try to shoo them away but they stay so have to tell their side too.

Our MC will be back in one or two chapters or maybe 3 chapters. Always hard to say. We will also get to see the ml side of the story before anyone is reborn!!!

Yeah it's always the strong flawless MLS with strong military careers. I wanted a flawed one prolly for that reason in mine. So glad you like my characters :)

Same life, different choices! (BL)
3 months ago
Forgot to add, after you've published twenty(?) or something chapters I'll gladly review your story again. View More

Yuyumamoru: This is an honest review based on your five chapters so far and my own opinions. I'm not a professional but I can point out some things. You have been warned...

Moving on!

The first thing I want to say is about your chapter titles. In Inkstone you don't have to put "Chapter 2" or something like that into the title box. When it publishes they automatically added chapter numbers to your chapters so it looks weird when it repeats "Chapter 1:Chapter 1...". Just a helpful tip for the future. After publishing a chapter always go look at it in Webnovel to make sure it looks right. Sometimes a large space gap will appear that wasn't on Inkstone or you'll find spelling errors from looking at it in a different font.

Story wise it's pretty good. Although the MC hasn't appeared for three chapters, building the side characters is also essential for the story. They should be more than a 2D, single minded idiot without thoughts. The shifts from past and present can be a bit choppy. Although it was clear, it could flow a bit more without having to add in -Flashback-. Using things like, "As Bai Lang though that, he grimaced at the memory..." right after the Smuggle explanation flows nicer(?). If it's a stylistic choice then keep doing it. Each author writes differently and if that way suits you then it's perfect!

Another thing is about your grammar and punctuation. You had a few quotation marks here and there but they should be consistent whenever someone speaks. Indenting before their words makes thing clear as to who's speaking and what they're saying. Sometimes I had to re-read sentences to figure out what each person was saying.

Ex.) Bai Georgi lead Kai to an empty room which held simple chairs and a table. He heard Horrus Kai ask, what will you do next? Bai Georgi felt he was hit by a ton of bricks! I don't know what to do next, Kai you know how much Bai Lang meant to the group! Kai looks ahead, yes I do know I never understood why he had to come along on this mission he was to valuable.

What could be changed:

Bai Georgi led Kai to an empty room which held simple chairs and a table. He heard Horrus Kai ask,

"What will you do next?" Bai Georgi felt he was hit by a ton of bricks!

"I don't know what to do next, Kai you know how much Bai Lang meant to the group!" Kai lifted his head.

"Yes I do know. I never understood why he had to come along on this mission he was too valuable."

Things I changed:
>From lead to led. Lead is pronounced le-ed or led(this version is like the granite in pencils) but it means to guide someone in a past tense. Led is used in more present tense.
>I added quotation marks and indented when people spoke. It makes it clearer and more organized.
>I changed the description for Kai a bit and added commas and periods to help space out sentences.
>Using 'too' means adding to it, 'to' is something different

Characters:
Loving Bai Georgi so far! Usually in those 'dejected younger sibling' families the older brother is harsh and always tries to steal the girl but he's not! Bai Georgi's just a awkward potato who can't talk to his little bro. ╮(╯-╰)╭

Clair is an absolute b***h.

Bai Lang's also a precious potato! He just wanted to be helpful. I'm excited to see what he does in the future.

Since it only has five chapters I won't be too harsh on the world building and background. So far it looked good but descriptions of Paradise would help me visualize their world more. Things like:

Ex.) "As their car drove away Bai Georgi looked at the decaying world around him. Buildings shattered in themselves, vines and moss growing out of every crack. Old broken vehicles littered the side of the road. They passed a pile of brittle bones, a dirtied toy in the middle of the pile." Something like that?

Besides that you story's going in a direction I like. Can't wait for the reincarnation to happen. I will be a bit sad when it happens and Bai Lang ends up hating Bai Georgi but Bai Georigi actually cars about Bai Lang! (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

Keep up the good work as well! And don't worry about people commenting or leaving reviews, your story is still fresh, about three days old? These things will come with time, as will views and collections. From one author to another, I wish you the best of luck. I'll be keeping an eye out for you updates as well.

Same life, different choices! (BL)
3 months ago
Bai Georgi best boi so far! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ View More
Same life, different choices! (BL) · C5
3 months ago
Reading Status: C5
This is an honest review based on your five chapters so far and my own opinions. I'm not a professional but I can point out some things. You have been warned...

Moving on!

The first thing I want to say is about your chapter titles. In Inkstone you don't have to put "Chapter 2" or something like that into the title box. When it publishes they automatically added chapter numbers to your chapters so it looks weird when it repeats "Chapter 1:Chapter 1...". Just a helpful tip for the future. After publishing a chapter always go look at it in Webnovel to make sure it looks right. Sometimes a large space gap will appear that wasn't on Inkstone or you'll find spelling errors from looking at it in a different font.

Story wise it's pretty good. Although the MC hasn't appeared for three chapters, building the side characters is also essential for the story. They should be more than a 2D, single minded idiot without thoughts. The shifts from past and present can be a bit choppy. Although it was clear, it could flow a bit more without having to add in -Flashback-. Using things like, "As Bai Lang though that, he grimaced at the memory..." right after the Smuggle explanation flows nicer(?). If it's a stylistic choice then keep doing it. Each author writes differently and if that way suits you then it's perfect!

Another thing is about your grammar and punctuation. You had a few quotation marks here and there but they should be consistent whenever someone speaks. Indenting before their words makes thing clear as to who's speaking and what they're saying. Sometimes I had to re-read sentences to figure out what each person was saying.

Ex.) Bai Georgi lead Kai to an empty room which held simple chairs and a table. He heard Horrus Kai ask, what will you do next? Bai Georgi felt he was hit by a ton of bricks! I don't know what to do next, Kai you know how much Bai Lang meant to the group! Kai looks ahead, yes I do know I never understood why he had to come along on this mission he was to valuable.

What could be changed:

Bai Georgi led Kai to an empty room which held simple chairs and a table. He heard Horrus Kai ask,

"What will you do next?" Bai Georgi felt he was hit by a ton of bricks!

"I don't know what to do next, Kai you know how much Bai Lang meant to the group!" Kai lifted his head.

"Yes I do know. I never understood why he had to come along on this mission he was too valuable."

Things I changed:
>From lead to led. Lead is pronounced le-ed or led(this version is like the granite in pencils) but it means to guide someone in a past tense. Led is used in more present tense.
>I added quotation marks and indented when people spoke. It makes it clearer and more organized.
>I changed the description for Kai a bit and added commas and periods to help space out sentences.
>Using 'too' means adding to it, 'to' is something different

Characters:
Loving Bai Georgi so far! Usually in those 'dejected younger sibling' families the older brother is harsh and always tries to steal the girl but he's not! Bai Georgi's just a awkward potato who can't talk to his little bro. ╮(╯-╰)╭

Clair is an absolute b***h.

Bai Lang's also a precious potato! He just wanted to be helpful. I'm excited to see what he does in the future.

Since it only has five chapters I won't be too harsh on the world building and background. So far it looked good but descriptions of Paradise would help me visualize their world more. Things like:

Ex.) "As their car drove away Bai Georgi looked at the decaying world around him. Buildings shattered in themselves, vines and moss growing out of every crack. Old broken vehicles littered the side of the road. They passed a pile of brittle bones, a dirtied toy in the middle of the pile." Something like that?

Besides that you story's going in a direction I like. Can't wait for the reincarnation to happen. I will be a bit sad when it happens and Bai Lang ends up hating Bai Georgi but Bai Georigi actually cars about Bai Lang! (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

Keep up the good work as well! And don't worry about people commenting or leaving reviews, your story is still fresh, about three days old? These things will come with time, as will views and collections. From one author to another, I wish you the best of luck. I'll be keeping an eye out for you updates as well. View More
Same life, different choices! (BL)
3 months ago

pipah: Well.. They haven't see boss smile yet... Less that they know that smile is the boss actual most dangerous weapon.. I mean, even general ling xiou defeated by it...

It's Not Easy to Be a Man After Travelling to the Future · C523
3 months ago
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