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VaibhavKronos: The fact that he can't cultivate that supreme technique disappoints me . I can understand the points being made about why he can't cultivate that technique now but still don't like it .
Of course , after reading to this far , I think there would be a way to return to the immortal world like a gateway or something so he can live on both worlds . Why you ask ? Well the cultivation needs special herbs and things which are found in the immortal world !
I hope you choose a good cultivation , mc . I am counting on you !Returning from the Immortal World · C5
NogalesSon13: graciasReencarnación del supremo dios de la espada · C54
Henki: While going premium is fine and all, you should't have waited this long for Alex's graduation.
For 75 chapters he didn't even think of doing the act, and now you are going to change the mentality of the MC just to earn money? That's low man...The Pleasure Lord · C75
tektite: Lock up hostile people who dont believe in him and when under attack force them to destroy the shrineThe God System (Old) · C4
Democratis: MORRRE!!! FEEED US MOOOORE CHAPTERS!!! (SO FAR SO GOOD, WE JUST WANTS SUM MORE)The God System (Old) · C0
ThrustThunder: He upgraded a watering can to contain more water then it physically should have been able to. Upgrading ~Anything~ to +50 would turn it into a storage ring!Transmigration Upgrade Specialist · C7
Morvian: lol, he could upgrade it once a day it seem!~Transmigration Upgrade Specialist · C6
JeffreyDO: We'll see about her. For now I don't know since she won't be mentioned for a while.I Hacked Everything · C21
ArdentAngel: Hey there, you haven't heard from me for a while... Hahaha.
Anyway, lets dive right in.
Let's get to peculiars first. Anal is delicate, at first, because it ain't really meant to be used this way. Well, not immediately. So some foreplay is necessary to slowly expand it. You can't just directly force the d*ck inside, even if you want it slowly. Especially not considering the size you keep describing his D* to be. These are little details to make it more believable. At least to me.
Next are other stuff. Like how Margaret began trusting him out of the blue. As much as it bring mystery to her, seeing how her body seems to hide quite some of them already, you should still expand upon it. You could even hint it to a sixth sense or intuition, for all your readers care, just don't make it sound like even you don't know. Because that's how it got across to me, a normal reader. `Somehow` is what you want to avoid as much as possible, because otherwise the story and development feels rushed and forced.
Then comes the descriptions. You are still lacking, a lot. You focus on details where they aren't needed (sometimes-not often, though), while neglecting them in other scenarios.
If you decide to skip that `satisfying my women` part, that's your choice and we understand. But if you start elaborating and portraying it, THEN DO IT PROPERLY. This is THE ONE PART where you mustn't write halfheartedly. Unfortunately, this is how you are doing it now.
These scenes is what your story is about. What this means is, you MUSTN'T FEEL you are wasting words-count for story progression doing it--yet this is exactly how it comes across.
Don't skim little details, how he ar0uses them, where he caresses them... Just re-read some of my previous comments on your chapters for this topic.
And relationships. You skim too much, but this whole story REVOLVES around relationships. Don't time-skip them, because this is why we read! Considering you are trying to write story as well as the `satisfying` part, you mustn't skip on relationships as well. And the chapters where you were developing relationships with these last 3 women (2nd teacher and 2 students) is too rushed. Time-skips don't really do much, only make you seem lazy--which is bad!
But there is also progress, even if a little too slow for my taste (which is why it took me this long to get back to it... It gets painful reading it day-by-day when improvement is so slow. I know I can't expect you to improve overnight, which is why I adjust my own reading style to match, so no worries. The important part is me seeing actual improvement, no matter how slim--hence I even came back! Otherwise I would just disappear).
So here you have it, another dose of my little help for you to consider when writing. And just let me mention it here as well, TENSES! You still need a lot of work with them. As for sentence.formation, we'll get there once you improve your tenses first! Sorry for giving you even more homework, but take it as me appreciating you work!The Super Sex System · C65
OnlyWish: OK... so Eva's chest is bigger than Rachel, I want Eva as the girlfriend now.Adopted Soldier · C24
void893: this is the shortest chapter i've ever seen.
not to say it wasn't good but geez.Adopted Soldier · C1
Ariz3: Woaw! Is this the meta nowdays? 10 secs chapterAdopted Soldier · C1
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