Is a good story with a unique and twisted plot, but if could update more frequently, it would be better............
Maybe this writer need some more motivation.....
This is a good novel to read with some interesting dark elements, the writer gave in a really hard work on this, please support the novel and the writer.
Hey there!
Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact
rebecca.review@outlook.com. A brief introduction, some sample charpters or links will be appriciated when reaching out.
Very nice novel to read. It's fun to see the action and romance. But I would like to have more action in the novel. Instead of romance. But overall it's nice.
Okay I saw your post about how you want to quit because of lack of views and I have advice what would really help Change The Cover! I get that you want a unique cover but you see everybody judges a book by its cover so when people see the cover is uhmm that there chance of reading it goes from 60% to 10% you have put alot of hard work in your book and so I recommend either putting your cover as the simple one that webnovel gives you or just hire a professional to make one both are good options
The synopsis really intrigued me đ The writing style of the author is impressive, and so far, I like the plot as well although I haven't caught up to the latest chapters! keep up with the good work!
This is a nice story. The character design and the world background are excellent. The story is developing well. The stability of updates is going well too.
The writing quality is good too. I would suggest that you write shorter paragraphs (Something that was advised to me too) as well as punctuation. For that I wold suggest to run the draft chapter through an online grammar checker before publishing it.
All the best!
I like your writing style and only have one small thing to say.
Maybe you should break your paragraphs like split the conversations into separate sentences . It would be easy to read if you could do that.
Other than that, this is really good.
It seems a very action-packed story.
Some advise I might give you (regarding for example some grammar mistakes) is once you finish writing the book, put it aside for a bit and then edit it, however don't worry about it too much on your first or second draft.
Good effort and keep in mind that the more you write and read, the more you grow as a writer.
Keep writing! â¤ď¸
Very interesting novel. The author has a good sense of humor, there's a lot of content here, and the writing style is fairly unique. Although a little rough around the edges--especially at the start--the author does improve over time.
This is awesome! The plot is not just evolving with one person but instead it is well distributed at each on of the characters! Hype! I need more chapters :)
Nice story. Characters and world background are excellent. No complaints there.
Only I faced some problem with the paragraphs and punctuations .
You should probably give some spaces between paragraphs more precisely make them some what small.
Other than that no worries.
Keep writing and all the best.
I admire your large number of words per chapter. It is an interesting read and I seem to keep reading and reading till the chapter is done without even noticing the length. Would love if you arranged the dialogue and punctuations better but apart from that this is a Worthy read. I hope I can finish this book.đ
The story is really good it was fun to read, i really like the characters and the you build the world and im really amaze on your dedication to write this story. My suggestion is to fixed some structure on your sentences since some parts is quite hard to understand (it took me 2 times to read to understand) but it can be fixed and improve. The story is really good and worth to read and wait,
Interesting start, it's almost reminiscent of a fairy tale. But this is a little darker than one. The plot is interesting just like the characters. The genre is really something I like, this is pretty good from what I've read
Ok, what a remarkable effort to write around a hundred chapter in such short amount of time. The story cluster actually fine, but I think it can be made to be better with a proper punctuation.
This is actually a comedy story, I agree with that person. Author, I hope you're continuing this work, have a nice day.
The idea is sufficiently interesting.
The style of writing is abrupt but it is like a style and is not really a con.
I'd suggest you start spreading out the conversations, after one person's dialogue change line for another ones dialogue.
My word.. A remarkable effort.
The gigantic walls of text. Might want to break up some of the bigger text blocks for more reading clarity. Can't sometimes understand when one character stops speaking and another one starts. But for all it's faults, it's still an enjoyable read. And clearly you have a lot of plans and stuff left to write. Improvement comes with time, just keep on writing đ
Just a few thoughts after your thread on the forum⌠You can delete it after reading; my aim isnât to influence your readers. Itâs just that I donât think of another place to post it, the forum isn't suitable for it.
First of all⌠you didnât tag your novel as a comedy. If I just read the synopsis, I think it is a comedy, a parody of fantasy. Iâm not certain the synopsis is perfectly in alignment with the content of your novel.
OK, Iâve read the first chapter⌠It was pretty difficult. The style is really jerky. It reminds me of a declamation, a spoken speech more than a novel narration. Briefly, if I read it aloud, with the intonations, itâs ok but in my head, itâs hard to clearly understand. On the other hand, the dialogs are good, very life-like. It reminds me of a short theater scene with bad written stage directions.
I would have a few remarks on the beginning. Some things are confusing (Kenji Seito or Seito Kenji, whatâs the given name?, the friend playing in the water, is it Yuki?, who the hell is that Saburo?, they were two running towards the beachâŚ, (there are many other things like it), not adding honorific when calling someone else isnât very Japanese like⌠(Yuki-san, Seito-kun etc.))
There are too many grammatical mistakes. Itâs surprising, because the orthography is ok, there arenât missing words, slip of the pen etc., showing the story was reviewed. You have a big problem with present conjugation of verbs.
Over all, you impose too many constraints to yourself. First, you write using present time. Itâs more difficult using present than preterit. The author-narrator isnât part of the story; you just interact with the reader, never with the characters, so preterit is ok (you would eliminate a good third of grammar mistakes, conjugation and time coordination).
If I had to describe your style, it reminds me of note taking and audio description for visually impaired people of my tv. Clearly, itâs not a conventional style and itâs very hard to master it.
I really love the dialogs, they are very life like. Maybe you are better when writing theaterâŚ
At the moment, as a reader, the story could have interested me. However I wouldnât read more of the novel if the writing style goes on like this. An editor isnât a bad idea.
I tried with the first few words, but Iâm unable to keep your writing style.
example of edition:
*On a certain beach in Japan, during summer break, a 17 year-old young man was walking on the sand. His face was good looking, a kind of ârich boy lookâ.
The boy was named Kenji, Seito Kenji, weâll call him Seito.
Seito stopped his footsteps and looked at the sea, more precisely the girls in bikinis, playing in the water.
A girl wearing a T-shirt and short pants suddenly approached him; looking at her he said: âHey, Yuki⌠hmm⌠why arenât you in your swimming suit?â
âHa! You just want to see me wearing bikinis, donât you?â
âIâm not someone like that!â
âI just donât want to swim, and you? I donât think your outfit is suitable for swimming either.â
Seito was wearing a T-shirt, long pants and a jacket.
âYou know I donât like water⌠Hey, Yuki; do you feel anything... weird?â
âYes! It seems like something bad is going to happen at any moment.â Yuki said, looking at the sea.
Everything went on per usual until evening and when the sky was getting dark, suddenly âKYAAHHH!â, the screaming voice of a girl pierced the silence on the seashore.
âWhatâs happening? It sounds like Maryl!â
âLetâs go and check it out.â Seito and Yuki ran towards the origin of the scream.
[...]*
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